Semper Commutans

Eam, vidam, vincam....

2006-08-30T08:40:00.000-06:00

Things I would like to see before I shuffle off:

- The Treasury at Petra, Jordan
- The Portico of the Theater of Pompey, Rome
- The Roman Forum, Rome
- The remains of any Patrician villa, Rome
- Thermopylae, Greece
- Rhodes, Greece
- Alesia, France
- Alexandira, Egypt
- ~~Beirut, Lebanon~~ (goddamnit!)
- The convergence of the Indian and Atlantic Oceans, South Africa
- Table Mountain, Cape Town, South Africa
- Arpino, Italy
- Formia, Italy
- Bodrum, Turkey
- Sicily, Italy
- St. Aubin-sur-Mer, Calvados, France

Todays Question: Who did Julius Caesar will succession to failing his first choice? (10 points, not that it matters since Tyler "Oh! OH! I Know The Answer! PICK MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" Botten is hundreds of points ahead of everyone else)

Moment of the Song: 2:07 in "The X-Files Theme" by Spiritualized

Reperio!

2006-03-16T15:14:00.000-07:00

The Jim Henson workshop will be doing the creatures for the "Where the Wild Things Are" movie.

Sweet.

Mutus

2006-03-15T03:34:00.000-07:00

A little while ago I posted a clip of an autisitc kid draining three-pointers at a high school basketball game like he was Larry fucking Bird playing against drunk, decapitated midgets. I didn't think it was amazing because he's autistic, I thought it was amazing because the kid spent his whole year riding the pine and sopping up sweat and when he finally got a chance to play he made everyone crap their pants with what is likely to be the most intense athletic display that anyone will ever see.

So, George W. Bush showed up in the town this kid lives in and saw the video and then said the following with the kid next to him: "Saw it on TV and I wept, just like a lot of other people. It's just one of those stories that touched a lot of people's hearts."

Okay, first of all, George Jr., Teddy Roosevelt called and he said that you're a pussy. Because you are. Weeping? For real? If you cry because some kid, who you obviously deem to be functionally retarded, sinks baskets then I can't imagine how little work you get done when you hear that some American soldier who's last memory probably involved an explosion or the taste of sand is coming home wrapped in plastic. That shit happens like 8 TIMES A DAY!!!!!

Secondly, the kid is autistic, he's not Hellen Keller. Don't parade him around like he's King of the Special Olympics. Autism comes in many forms. His manifests itself in an ability to drain the long shot, which I think we can all agree is 'good autism.'

And finally, when you have a 36% Gallup approval rating (which is close to post-impeachment Nixon territory - except he actually admitted to committing a crime), you need to start bombing another country, not hanging out with a kid who's ability to shoot baskets is eclipsed only by your ability to ~~be president~~, ~~manage an oil company~~, ~~manage the Texas Rangers~~, ~~warn your girls about the dangers of underage drinking~~, ~~win the popular vote~~, ~~not be an alcoholic~~, ~~eat pretzels~~, ~~not look like a monkey~~, ~~care about black people~~, ~~cut short a vacation during the biggest hurricane in American history~~, destroy American civil liberties.

Today's Question: What is the Latin motto of the Roosevelt family? (200 points)

Eo Ardet! Caligae sum is?

2006-02-24T04:31:00.000-07:00

Swish! Swish! Swish! Swish! Swish! Swish! Swish!

Very few of us will get to live a moment like that. This kid and George Patton.

Today's Question: Name the first non-christian American president. (5 points)

mors, mortis f.

2005-12-12T23:02:00.000-07:00

So, who likes Potassium Chloride?

Probably not Stan "Tookie" Williams!

SAY GOODBYE!

Today's Question:
Potassium Chloride: 1st, 2nd or 3rd?

Clepo est “algeo” est

2005-10-27T00:27:00.000-06:00

Heists! This shit is awesome!

Art Abduction!
Bank Banditry!

If anyone would like to pull a caper, I’m in. I can drive getaway.

Today’s question: Other than being characters, what do Angus MacGyver, Josiah Bartlet, James Bond and Roy Batty all have in common? (25 Points)

Moment in the song: 0:00 in “Even Flow” by Pearl Jam

Adaeque impasti lupi oves supputans

2005-10-04T16:26:00.000-06:00

I should start by mentioning that Interlocutor has lent their considerable compositional prowess and gracious style to the internet... in blog form. A compelling argument against the internet is that it allows any idiot and their remedial grasp of Latin to post their musings. Surely Interlocutor is an arguement in favor of the opposite viewpoint. They were nice enough to tag my humble blog with a survey.

1. If money were no object, what would you be doing with your life?

Campaigning. But not as a candidate.

2. Money is just that - an object, so why aren’t you doing it?

Because dreams and goodwill make babies bounce and butterflies beautiful, but neither are what make the world go ‘round.

3. What’s better: horses or cows?

Cows. They provide us with meat, milk, clothing and an unparalleled ability to eat grass. Horses no longer have any real purpose and hold the choice distinction of “Most Useless Common Domesticated Animal”. At least dogs can sniff out drugs. And you can teach a cat to use a toilet.

4. What do you think the secret to happiness is?

Doing for a living what you would secretly do for free, looking back and knowing you made the right choices, knowing that you live on your terms and that any of your success belongs to your own efforts.

5. When was the last time you had a dream that you either remember well or did not want to awake from? Can you share a bit?

Something about commanding an army of cartoon characters against an unholy army of the undead for control of a land called Myopia and the merchandising rights for Babylon 5. Bob the Builder was my most trusted general

6. When you were a little kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A doctor. But honestly, as a kid, I didn’t think that I would have to grow up.

7. Complete this statement: Love is . . .

something that “you follow when it beckons.”

8. Can you tell a good story? (write one!)

Charlie Chaplin, as a man with a sense of humor about his own celebrity, entered a Charlie Chaplin Impersonation Contest at the height of his fame. He came third. The lesson: No one is entitled to anything.

9. Can you remember your last daydream? What was it about?

What the music video for “Ladies & Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space (Original Elvis Mix)” by Spiritualized would look like.

10. If you were to thank someone today, who would you thank?
All the people helping me tomorrow.

I kick the ball to Jan, Ty, Sam and Chris.

Also: "Uhhh...guys...you should probably come and take a look at this..."

Today’s Question:
Without using numbers in your answer, tell me how many former or current US Supreme Court Justices have died in office? (15 points)

Moment of the song: 1:55 from “Fall Back” by Big L

Sex Carmina

2005-09-06T16:10:00.000-06:00

Blogs are for talking about music. These are my six favorite songs.

6.) "The Bear" by My Morning Jacket
Aside from a long lost song by Jeff Buckley about his enthusiasm for swimming, this is the saddest song that you will ever hear. The verses of the song are brutally depressing, and the chorus is slightly more upbeat, which is good because if the whole song was as depressing the verse, it would come with a cyanide capsule. Regardless, it has a great, thundering drumbeat and vocals like they were recorded in an abandon wind tunnel. Check it out.

5.) "Svefn-G-Englar" by Sigur Ros
Do you like pretentious music? I love it! The odd structure of this song, length, unique vocal arrangement and robust wall of sound combined with the fact that I have no idea what the singer is saying envelops you in an ethereal masterpiece that is literally the sonic definition of ‘postmodern’. Somewhere along the line, musicians decided that audiences were lucky to hear them, rather than the musicians were lucky to get paid doing their hobby. This band seems like one of those bands. Then again, I don’t know anything about them as people. They could be a really solid bunch of guys that love their fans and are grateful for each and every one of them. Then again, they could eat baby penguins for brunch, what the hell do I know? Huh?!? Get off my fucking back!

4.) "Brothers in Arms" by Dire Straits
I will freely admit that despite having “Brothers in Arms” in my music collection for many years, I would have never heard and subsequently fallen in love with this song were it not for my raging ‘West Wing’ boner. Aside from the synthesizer bit at the beginning this song has aged like David Bowie; you get older, it stays the same. Chronicling the last thoughts of a fallen soldier as he lay dying on the battlefield, repenting to his fellow soldiers on for failing them and appealing to both sides that man is not supposed to fight one another. The lyrics are touching but the slow buning guitar solo that creeps throughout the song is what makes you want to buy what Mark Knopfler is selling.

3.) One of thirteen songs off Lateralus by Tool
Under my polo shirt and office job exterior lies an angst-ridden skid, furious with my parents for expressly forbidding me to wear a heavy dose of eye makeup to my Uncle Weevil’s back-country funeral, buryin’ and grits buffet. “Looka cousin’ Chris-face! He got himself a full mouth’a teeth, he does! You got yous a fancy edumacation ta go wit’ dem teeth, boy?!” Or not. Whatever. How dare you judge me and my eye make-up. This album came out in 2001 and I find that I can still pop it in and enjoy it all the way through. Even though I rarely consider one song on the album to be my ‘favorite’, I always seem to have one of these songs in the rotation. If you can get into the album (some people find it just isn’t their cup of tea) I’d highly recommend it. It also has the most badass packaging I have ever seen. Pick it up. $9.99 at Best Buy. For real. But don’t tell your mom. She’ll call the doctor.

2.) "There Goes The Fear" by Doves
As you can probably tell, especially from my previous choice, I like songs with lots of drumming in them. Deep down inside me, there is a caveman. He likes to hit things, and if he can’t be hitting things, he wants to know that other people are hitting things. This song fulfills that order in spades. There is a symphony of drums moving this song tumbling forward at a manic, cheeky pace along with slide guitars, layer upon layer of vocal recordings by each band member, xylophones, any number of guitar parts, a piano and I think a harmonica. This song was practically tailor-made for the medium of the music video. I saw this song performed live once by the band, which has only three members. Seeing a song this complicated live played by three people rather than the twenty-three that should be playing it was so disappointing that I was going to write a sternly-worded letter to the band expressing said disappointment, but then I was distracted by an article on who designs Condoleezza Rice’s outfits. Well dressed Republicans….yuuum.

1.) "Everlong" (in any incarnation) by Foo Fighters
By far the best and most popular song by the Foo Fighters, this is probably the only song of their catalog we will hear on a regular basis on “Oldies Neurocast 156.9” in 2020. I heard this song for the first time in the middle of high school and loved it instantly. In fact, each time I hear the song, I find it never really loses it’s luster. A fantastic New Wave drumbeat underlying seamless guitar work and an epic, lightning fast climax distinguished it from modern pop-rock radio at that time making it, in my opinion, one of the few classic songs of the last decade. Prior to the death of the musical ‘hipster’, in the era before anyone could have any song at any time, even music snobs liked this song. Everyone likes this song, or at least one of the three well known versions of it, and the Michel Gondry-directed video that came along with the original version. If you say you don’t like it, you’re a liar. Or you think you are too cool for school.

Honorable mention: "Candy Girl" by Aaron Carter

Today’s Question:
What drug is the Rolling Stones’ song “Mother’s Little Helper” about? (10 Points)

Moment of the Song: 1:47 from “Sanvean” by Lisa Gerrard

Septemtrionalis arbitratus: malus

2005-09-01T04:17:00.000-06:00

Has anyone been listening to “New Orleans is Sinking” or “When the Levee Breaks”? They’re starting to sound more like prophecy and less like 1/2 Steve Smith approved rock music. I’m sure Clear Channel has taken those off the play list for the next 6 weeks.

While watching/reading the news today the images of annihilated neighborhoods and flooded plains are ever-present, it seems that Hurricane Katrina is the 3rd most powerful hurricane ever to make landfall on American soil. The visuals provided to suggest that the Gulf of Mexico (and by the way, how did Mexico call dibs on the name of that gulf? Texas blew it on that one) is trying to claim the state of Louisiana for it’s own. In this case, the death toll has reached 100, which is not a particularly high number for such a powerful force of nature, and the loss has been generally contained to property. Hurricane coverage being more ubiquitous than normal, I have been seeing coverage of people returning to their homes and exercising nothing less than complete indignity at the sight of their life in ruins. One woman was angry that the Federal Emergency Management Agency hadn’t made a stop in her town just yet and that she needed federal help. In 2001, FEMA listed the possibility of a hurricane leveling New Orleans as one of the top three most likely catastrophic natural disasters that would occur in the US. Despite the warning, it was taken out of the presidential cabinet, and calls for budget expansions, especially to continue a project to strengthen the New Orleans levee, went unheard all so that American customs agents can hold up airport lines longer and for more trivial reasons. The levee request was for 80 million and it ended up coming 50 million short, which yes, is a lot of money, but 50 million dollar represents 0.1% of the overall 2005 budget of the Department of Homeland Security, which is the office that houses FEMA. That 50 million apparently could have made the difference between SCUBA Marti Gras and annoying puddles. Louisiana is now a “Blue state” in more ways than one. It looks as if insurance companies are going to get the brunt of this one, since it looks as if they are going to pay out at least 16 billion, at least a substantial portion of which could have been avoided had 50 million been provided for a better levee. That aside, who is going to clean this up when the job is too big for FEMA? Where is the national guard when you need them? Oh yeah: IRAQ. The National Guard has 465000 members, 184000 of them are pinned down by insurgency, hot weather and sand, more than any time in history. Tomorrow, 28000, roughly 6% of who whole guard force, will be deployed to hurricane ravaged areas to hand out coffee and be yelled at by angry people. Oh yeah, and lift stuff. Imagine what these people, the ones they didn’t send to Iraq or Afghanistan, look like. I bet most of them can only see out of one eye or have a clubbed foot. Or you know, maybe they have a family.

UPDATE:

Rapings and beatings!
Hidden Snipers firing at hospitals as they are evacuated!
The dead lying in the street!
Widespread looting!
Retreating American soldiers!
Orphaned or lost babies crying in the streets, surrounded by the dead!

Welcome to ~~Mogadishu, October 1993~~ New Orleans, August/September 2005...

It's like a day at the Hippodrome over there.

Anyway, that brings me to what should have been the top story for the latter half of the day: nearly 1000 Shiite Muslims (largely women and children) were trampled or drowned during a religious pilgrimage of nearly one million when cries of a suicide bomber (intentionally false or otherwise) amidst the crowd incited a riot. While the train wreck that Iraq has become in the last 3 years has been awe inspiring in terms of both scope and speed, this is on another level. To live in an atmosphere where the threat of being the victim of a random attack is so real and pervasive that your natural reaction among a crowd of your fellow worshipers is to push and shove to get away is such an iniquity that I might vomit if I continue to ponder it. The greatest injustice that can be visited upon any human being is to live in a constant state of fear, whether it for reason specific to one person or an entire nation of people. While the Iraqi government continues to position the cart before the horse with an abortive constitution, citizens are sifting through bodies as a result of an event that should have been peaceful in every conceivable fashion. In order for a government to confer inalienable rights to the citizens of the nation, shouldn’t they be in a position to protect those rights the moment they hand them down?

Today's question:
What historical person of note was questioned in connection with the theft of the painting “La Gioconda” in the year 1911? (15 Points)

Moment in the song: 2:38 from “Wrong” by The Archers of Loaf

Nihil

2005-08-03T18:02:00.000-06:00

South Park Characters

The South Park Characters that I 'promised' long ago are up for Welke, Catrin, Shannon and Dave. As a bonus, I included a special tribute to Mr. Harlem Spanish. Click the links, kids.

Wishlist

1.) I like my current wallet, but it can hardly compete with this.

2.) Recently I have rekindled an old, faithful love of mine, and therefore I now desire this, this, this and this. However, I only have two arms and two legs which puts me two arms and two legs short. I'm glad I have a job, because if I owned all four of these seasons, (which amount to roughly 4000 minutes), I would just keep watching them over and over. Eventually, I would stop eating, going to the bathroom and sleeping. All I would do is watch the West Wing. Now, I know what some of you are thinking: "TV?!? TV is for mindless drones with no imagination!" You are a snob. You don't think TV is worthless, you just think that saying that it is makes you better than people. You're wrong. Your historical equivalent is a rich Victorian-Era Londoner who spits on soot-faced urchins when they beg for money in the street and then remark about "the deplorable state of the Commonwealth."

3.) I wish for this to be a great movie. Based only on the pedigree of the director and the screenwriters, I have hope.

I Have Almost Nothing to Say

-On August 16th, do not buy the Sin City DVD. Yes, it's a great movie, but you will be getting hosed. A much better, three disc version is coming out shortly, which is a complete version of each book put out by Frank Miller. Of course, this is coming from the fella that bought all 6 versions of the 3 Lord of the Rings movies, and for some reason, I regard that as very different that what is happening here.

-The new Governor General is fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.

-I will be updating the points soon. Some interesing developments in the points may have crowned a new leader, maybe. Also, I will begin awarding prizes in September for people who have the highest point total at the end of each month.

Today's question:
What is a group of Rhino's called? (5 Points)

Moment of the Song: 3:40 of "Sadie" by Alkaline Trio.

Alia rogationis efflagitare...

2005-07-19T20:06:00.000-06:00

We live in an age where we are nagged to critically analyze the media that we receive. We demand that we be given an accurate version of the events that happen in our world, and even then, we still attempt to decode what prism these accounts are fired through. However, we do not often enough examine what we are not told because due to our implicit implications that we do not want to know.

Tip for the ladies: If you are kidnapped and murdered by your sweetheart, a vital element to your former lover being brought to justice is that you are under 30, cute, white and (probably most important of all) not poor. Troll the local and American news, and it’s breaking news hither thither about affluent white girls in Aruba going missing or some woman in an LA suburb who was murdered by her husband/fiancée, whatever.

The reaction to these crimes always impresses me, since it shows just how mobilized a police force can be when middle and upper-class America (I’m not going to talk about Canada at all. Don’t pretend like we have a separate mass media) becomes interested in the outcome of an investigation. This attention briefly signals to us that we could all be the victim of violent crime at the hands of those who are supposed to love us. We see these violations of security and we perceive them as a very compelling problem, given the attention they receive.

A quick analysis shows that we as the relatively well-off are not in any real danger from meeting our end in this way. To think that women in middle to upper classes are at risk of being killed by their husbands/boyfriends is a farce, but not nearly as much of a farce as the heaping levels of media attention dedicated to fashioning this as a problem. In the US, roughly 3.9 women are murdered by their husband/boyfriend every day. When you consider how many days there are in a year, that’s a fairly staggering statistic. Since violent crime is disproportionately linked to poverty, I think it is safe to assume that the victims of these crimes aren’t socialites in Beverly Hills with American Express Black Cards. In fact, the rate of being killed by partners occurs almost exponentially more in households with a combined income of less than twenty-five thousand dollars than any other category. This is just murder, mind you. This category can be vastly expanded to include a million or so victims if any kind of violent crime is included, even more so if you don’t restrict the relationship to intimate partners.

The argument could be made that if violent crimes against young, attractive white women weren’t brought forward and revealed on the news, then we would have no dialogue at all about homicides committed against women. I agree to a point. If every woman murdered by her husband/boyfriend were to be reported on CNN, the news would be a far more depressing affair than it already is. However, these instances aren’t reported because news channels want to effectively point out a serious societal and cultural problem; they’re reported because we find them unusual. On the other hand, the murder of a minority woman in lower income bracket at the hands of her boyfriend/husband won’t be reported in your normal channels; it simply isn’t news.

If an investment banker comes home and kills his wife and hides the body, his crime is considered senseless: he has anything he could ask for and we expect educated professionals to be able to handle their problems without force or bloodshed. When we discover his motive, whatever it may be, we feel comfortable condemning him for committing a deviant act when he had the means to avoid doing so. Shows like CSI and the like thrive on these kinds of crimes. In the end, the show tells us that people do crazy, senseless things for reasons that we can barely comprehend and that even though it occurs in ‘our world’, the extraordinary nature of the crime renders the perpetrator and their motivations as outside of ‘our reality’. A deeper exploration of a homicide in a more common scenario would force us to face the conditions under which that crime was allowed to be committed in (weapon availability due to a lack of policy restrictions, greater levels of income inequality, etc). The deeper we look, the more likely we are to realize that we are bigger component in the machine than we thought. We find this so unacceptable that we refuse to acknowlege it. Unfortunately, the psychological reasoning behind our interest in the former scenario is directly responsible for the clear lack of interest in the latter scenario.

This disparity will continue, which is unfortunate since this cycle denies us the only real remedy to this problem; that we demand to be offered the unadulterated facts and allow us to face the ugly social, economic and even cultural truth that we must know in order to come up with long-lasting solutions.

Question:
How many people died in the 20th century? (15 points)

No Googling this one. Try and figure it out with some basic information.

Et domitor est...

2005-06-28T09:38:00.000-06:00

It looks like Sam will be awarded the 20 quiz points. That is, unless "hendersonisafuckingtart" wants to step up and list who they are, pushing it to a playoff round. If not, then Sam wins the points and I win this round of the game of Internet.

Harlem, I will have plenty of time to dropkick you on July 16th or so. Be prepared for an argument that will first be intellectual but then will degrade into jokes about racial stereotypes and then will eventually be decided by a farting contest or eunuch porn scavenger hunt. Also, keep an eye on your mailbox.

Some quick notes:
-I had an awesome weekend, filled with fun, relaxation and stir fry. I don't really consider myself to be a person that celebrates the weekend as a break from the whip that oppresses the proletariat. That's right. I said it: people who look forward to the weekend are communist pig-dogs.

-I finally got my degree framed and hung it in my office. Within 20 minutes, I began to resent it. I felt like such a communist pig-dog.

-On the side you will see Janet Lo. I was going to put up everyone's character today, but I put Janet up first because she's super-special and shouldn't be included with the rest of you communist pig-dogs.

Today's Question:
What killed more Americans in the 20th Century: War, Murder, Lung Cancer or Communist Pig-Dogs? (10 Points)

Pauperies antiquem face!

2005-06-24T10:45:00.000-06:00

In the corner I have added the Yellow Wristband of the internet. I would encourage you to do the same, as I was encouraged by others.

I'm too busy to justify writing anything of substance.

Except that's me as a South Park character. If you want me to do one of you, leave a note in the comments and I'll post them here. I will give 5 points to anyone who has me make a character out of them.

Although, I will say that as someone who reads news to procrastinate, I read a lot of amusing, heartbreaking, uplifting, shocking and just generally interesting stories. But this is by far the most badass thing I have ever read in my entire fucking life.

Today's Question:
What is the French name for the plant that Alexander the Great is credited for introducing to Europe? (10 Points)

Testis! Temptatio!

2005-06-14T13:35:00.000-06:00

Because I am lame, last night I set up a quiz for people to take, if they wish.

Good luck to you all. The person with the highest score at the end of two weeks gets 20 Points.

Porcus Pecuniae

2005-06-13T23:11:00.000-06:00

A few years back, my Uncle David gave me a most interesting gift for a 20 year-old: A piggy bank. It’s not one of those hardcore ones that you have to break to get the money out, it’s more practical than that with it’s little rubber stopper at the bottom. And it’s actually shaped like a pig, which is a bonus. It is perfect gift for a guy like me, since my biggest beef about this country is that it forces us to keep scads of change loose and unchecked in our pockets. Damn you, Susanna Blunt, damn you to hell! We lose change in the car and in the couch, only to argue over ownership with our roommates when we clean the basement. We pick up change on the street not for monetary gain, but for luck. I hate having change on me. So I stick all my silver change in my piggy bank at the end of the day (the pennies meet the bottom of the waste bin, I hate them so). But just the other day, I picked up my snouted little change fortress and realized that he (I drew a penis on him) is nearly full! Since it is a childish means to collect money, I certainly will not be spending the money on stocks and bonds. So what should I do with it? Suggestions and ideas for products, charities or events that I could put the money toward would be appreciated.

Question:
Give me the speed, in kilometers per second, that glass cracks at. (10 Points)

Domum meo et sominum recursas...

2005-06-13T23:05:00.000-06:00

Do you know who is crazy, in the comparative sense? Michael Jackson. Do you know who is crazy, in the superlative sense? Michael Jackson’s fans. I don’t mean you there, listening to Thriller and trying to do the Moonwalk when you are drunk at Scholars or Iron Horse or whatever bar you people throw your time away in. I’m talking about this guy, this fine specimen, this stern looking fellow and my personal favorite, this resident of Crazytown, who released one of those for each of the ten not guilty verdicts. But why? Because it was a symbolic gesture of justice and hope? Correct. Because she is absolutely INSANE? Also correct.

Normally I find people who stand behind a cause, no matter how hopeless, to be worth at least some degree of admiration. Not in this case, though. I think that the writing is on the wall in this case. Michael Jackson obviously has some very unusual ideas about what it is exactly children are for. I’m not convinced that what he did was criminal, but over the years it has become apparent that Jackson has a very unrealistic attitude toward children and life in general and because of this people should take caution leaving him in the company of small, impressionable children. Were it not for the sizeable level of fame and wealth (in assets, anyway) that Jackson possesses, he would be well on his way to getting pig-stuck by a large mustached man named Tiny and a broken broom handle in the C-block of the San Quentin School for Boys. Were I in that situation, I would have been traded for cigarettes twice by now.

Yet, these people, who are among the most dedicated fans I have ever seen, have held a fucking vigil outside the courtroom. Vigils alone make me think people are crazy. Where do these people come from and why don’t they have jobs? One of the scariest things that I can see from the photos of the Michael Jackson Trial Vigil is that a lot of these people dress like they aren’t homeless, which leads me to believe that they, at one point, did have a job which they quit before they decided to become a full-time Vigileer. I can just imagine some of these people coming home and realizing what a financial mess of their lives they have made. Just like their hero.

Name the first solo album Michael Jackson released and the first criminal charge that he was brought up on. (10 Points, but you have to get both correct, this is wicked easy)

Delectamentum Tyrannosaurus Rex

2005-06-12T14:38:00.000-06:00

Niceterium: Ne Peccent

2005-06-08T16:41:00.000-06:00

I would like to give it up to Dr. Huxtable for tagging me (and subsequently allowing me to embarrass myself) and thus giving me something to write about. I've added a new category that I expect those who I tag to continue.

Number of books that I own:
Honestly, I don't own that many books. I have 70 in my room. The rest are in my garage or at my parent's place. When I moved from my parents house I left almost anything that wasn't a textbook. So what I have now are books that I have bought since I moved. Since the U of A library is so good, nearly every book that I have read recreationally has been taken from there and consequently I don't buy a lot of books. However, I would like nothing more than to one day have a solid wall of books in my home.

Books that mean a lot to me:
The Rommel Papers by Erwin Rommel
Allan Quatermain by H. Rider Haggard
Sin City (Collection) by Frank Miller
The Oxford Dictionary of Political Quotations by Antony Jay
Why Nations Go To War by John G. Stoessinger
Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
The Island of Lost Maps by Miles Harvey
Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sednak
The Shameful Life of Salvador Dali by Ian Gibson
The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien by J.R.R. Tolkien

While I don't want to speak on each and every book, I think it is worth mentioning that "The Rommel Papers" is an incredible collection of diary entries from one of the foremost military minds in history. The objectivity he approached documenting his days with is above and beyond what you would expect from any high-ranking military officer, let alone a high ranking member of the German army during the Second World War. That book in particular would be a desert island book for sure.

Books I have recently read:
Real Stuff by Dennis P. Eichhorn
The Prince by Nicholo Machiavelli
The Pilgrim Hawk by Glenway Wescott
The Ultimates (Vol. 1) by Mark Millar

Books in the Queue:
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggars
Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe
Dark Age Ahead by Jane Jacobs

I hereby tag:
Sam
Mikey
Janet
Dan
Anna

Today's Question:
According to generally accepted theories regarding time travel, if you are on the beaches of Normandy at 6AM on 6 January, 2005, and you time-traveled to the same position at 6AM on 6 June, 1944, what event would you very briefly be witness to? (25 Points)

"In umbra, igitur, pugnabimus!"

2005-06-01T20:40:00.000-06:00

I have achieved two things recently.

One, I have received (I hope) the first degree of my post-secondary education from the prestigious (in Alberta) University of Alberta. My parents are very proud. I don't actually pick up my parchment until 13 June. Do I now have a library worth of useful information racked up in my brain? No. Do I have tomes of insightful arguments lined up and ready to go for any casual discussion on a range of political, social and scientific topics? Certainly not, no. I am I now prepared to take on a particular line of work? Again, I must answer in the negative. However, I have learned a great deal about critical thinking and how to properly empower yourself with knowledge. University is not about collecting the required number of credits, declaring victory and reaping the supposed financial benefits of higher education. As has been put best by the Associate Dean of my own faculty, "It is about revolutionizing your mind." I have pursued my line of education (as long as I knew I was actually pursing one) thus far for no real purpose other than pursue knowledge. I feel that combined with my reasonably illustrious career (at least in terms of duration of time relative to other officers and employees) in our local student organization, I have snagged a unique educational experience so far. I have not only learned about postmodernism, the electoral system in Sweden, the solar system, Latin (ahem) and a litany of other popular and unpopular subjects, but I have learned a great deal about working relationships, budgetary matters, how to deal with people in power, etc, etc. Most of all, though, I'm proud of who I am now relative to who I was coming into university. Hopefully, when years from now when I write a post detailing what I have learned from my second phase of my education, I will say the same thing.

Second, I filled up my iPod. It wasn't that big, only 15GB, but I own nearly all the music on it. Does that make me a consumerist sucker in the modern information age? Yes, it probably does. But I like owning CD's (to be honest, I just like having a physically large music collection) and I like supporting artists who, even though they still don't see much from the sales of their CD's, need to 'move units'. Bands like Fugazi, for instance, deserve every penny that they get. I will even go so far as to downloading their music and then buying it afterward, whether I like it or not. In fact, I have a number of CD's that I have never listened to because I bought them after I downloaded them and since I was happy with the quality of the download, I never ripped it onto my computer. I'm gonna stop now because I don't want to turn this into a big rant on downloading and consumer ethics. This is not because I don't want to get into it, but I simply won't make the mistake that my opinion matters on this topic to anyone that I would imagine reads this tripe-filled blog of mine.

So a big 'tu tibi futuendave es' to everyone who said I couldn't do either of those two things over the years. Especially my elementary and Jr. High school teachers.

Today's title is something I have stolen from my Latin text book in honour of Frank Miller's '300', which I made a point of purchasing today. Yes, it is a comic book, but it is an excellent comic book that draws from a compelling battle in ancient history. I suggest you pick it up as soon as you can. I don't think the story of the 300 Spartan Guards can be told any other way that in graphic form.

Speaking of reading, I haven't been updating my book list. That is because I have been reading everything except what is on my book list. But I have been reading, don't worry. Huh. I could have sworn I just heard my girlfriend snicker.

Here is today's question:
The top of a particularly famous landmark east of New York but west of Angkor is six inches closer to the bank of a famous river at a particular time of the year. Which landmark is it? (15 Points)

I'd quickly like to say hello to any new readers I may have acquired that I haven't and will most likely never meet.

Exorio, Regis et Reginae mundi

2005-05-24T19:43:00.000-06:00

Doing a quick catalog over the weekend, I realized that a number of people who are a significant part of my own life are in the midst of a process (decision-making, administrative or otherwise) that will drastically change the shape of their life in the next four to twelve months.

These are people who I have had the pleasure to watch grow into the magnificent people that they are today. What strikes me about these people is that they are about to embark on endevours that I believe will allow them to rise to the same level of prominence that I have seen them rise to in their student lives. I am immensely proud of all them.

To them I say, "Good luck and take care." However, I doubt they will need much of the first blessing.

In that spirit, here is today's question:
What event arguably had the greatest impact on the hematological structure of North America? (10 points)

Mater tua tam obesa....

2005-05-18T13:41:00.000-06:00

Today in the background of my work, I had the video of British MP George Galloway giving testimony to the US Senate regarding allegations that he reaped financial gains from the Iraqi Oil-for-Food program. From what I saw, Lil' Georgie, as he has allowed me to call him, more-or-less traveled 5900 Km just so that he could walk into the Senate Chambers, stick his foot straight up the US Military-Industrial Complex's well appointed ass, plant a Union Jack and declare America as a commonwealth to be ruled under the crown once again.

Consider a sample (I had a really hard time choosing between all the good quotes):

"As a matter of fact, I have met Saddam Hussein exactly the same number of times as Donald Rumsfeld met him. The difference is Donald Rumsfeld met him to sell him guns and to give him maps the better to target those guns. I met him to try and bring about an end to sanctions, suffering and war, and on the second of the two occasions, I met him to try and persuade him to let Dr Hans Blix and the United Nations weapons inspectors back into the country - a rather better use of two meetings with Saddam Hussein than your own Secretary of Defence made of his."

In the Immortal words of my esteemed coworker: Those sucka's got served.

Question:

Connect the 'sport' of falconry to the activity of sports card collecting, stamp collecting, etc. in a single word*. (15 points)

*I am looking for one word in particular, don't be a technocrat.

Salve, calceum lambens!

2005-05-17T11:43:00.000-06:00

Isn’t Canada a fantastic country? We often tease the Americans for having two virtually indistinguishable political parties reigning over the land (although the distinction between the two is becoming more apparent in the 21st Century, ‘praise Jesus’). However, now Americans can shoot back at us with similar claims of having political parties difficult to demarcate. After all, when someone can come in second place for the leadership of one political party only to change teams fourteen months later to the very team your party is trying to bring down. Belinda Stronach must be do-or-die in favor of gay marriage or she must really want to be a cabinet minister. One way or another, it's a very Churchillish move for her, and that can never be a bad thing.

But how irresponsible was it to let Stronach go? Aside from Harper himself (now that would have been a coup), Stronach was the worst person that could leave the party, after all, she's a high profile Conservative and she's good for the party (read: she’s a woman and she’s filthy stinking rich). Shame on Stephen Harper for not keeping her happy. Then again, I don’t want the Conservatives running my federal government, so I guess I owe Harper one this time. Although the comments coming from Harper about Stronach today were pretty disgusting. But, if any and all chances of me being Prime Minister when it seemed so close were abruptly yanked from under my feet, I’d probably be spitting venom, too.

What a funny couple of years it has been in Canadian politics.

Two Random Notes:

'Brothers in Arms' by Dire Straits is an awesome album, if for no other reason than the titular track. Its a song that works especially well if you are going to be swearing at God in Latin and then putting out ciagrettes on the floor of a church in a show of defiance and mislaying veneration.

I have always known that the open steppe, fleet horse, falcon on your wrist, and wind in your hair is not the pinnacle of human experience. But last night, it came to my attention that crushing your enemies, driving them before you and hearing the lamentations of their women is not, in fact, what is best in life.

Two questions today:

Name two non-historical films that the writer of the not-so-hidden film quote in my post has directed. (5 points)
Name the largest berry. (15 points)

Urbes malorum virorum

2005-05-10T21:54:00.000-06:00

I have often said that political levels, in order of importance are listed as such: Global, Federal, Provincial/State, Student and Municipal. Facetious, yes, but I’m really only half-joking. By this I am not promoting student politics, I am relegating municipal politics. Henry Kissinger once said that the reason student politics are so vicious is because the stakes are so low. By that rational, municipal politics must be something akin to Ragnarok. Arguments are chiefly centered over administrative pros and cons, rather than the philosophy of governmental direction or the shaping of national or regional cultures. The most contentious of issues are infrastructural and promotional in nature (with the exception of gay marriage, which is an anomaly in this political arena). City government is a steady, scandal-free place where, unless you are the mayor of New York City, you wield limited political power and do little more than sign zoning agreements, cut ribbons and discuss how fantastic your own city is. By and large, municipal elections are where the simple minded go to govern. It is then surprising that in major American cities over the last few weeks, municipal scandal has recently hit an apex, giving American voters yet another breed of politician to keep their eye on. A quick roll call of the cast of “All-American Urban Outrage 2005”:

Spokane’s Republican and publicly anti-gay rights mayor Jim West is caught up in a embarrassing (to say the very least) set of allegations surrounding his activity on the chat rooms of colloquially unambiguous website gay.com, where it is alleged that he offered a number of young men jobs in the various departments of Spokane City Hall including, ironically enough, the Human Rights Commission.
The mayoral campaign of Richard Daley, mayor of the Windy City and home of Karl Winslow, was apparently funded, at least in part, by payoff money, in a case similar to our own wonderful sponsorship scandal.
Detroit Mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick racked up a cool $210,000 on his city-issued expense credit card in the past 33 months, mostly on food. Really, really good food. The majority owner of the restaurant where Kilpatrick racked up a $1,200+ bill during his term was convicted yesterday of funneling money to:
Philadelphia Treasurer Corey Kemp, who was also convicted of 27 criminal counts, including fraud. The investigation in this case (conducted by the FBI) spawned 79 charges across 5 defendants. Yeeesh.
Dick Murphy, Mayor of San Diego, has resigned because of a 1.37 Billion dollar deficit in the pension fund of the city. A new election will be held on July 16th, where it is expected that Donna Frye, a surf-shop owner and current city councilwoman, who came dangerously close to winning the recent mayoral race via write-in votes, will succeed him.

Today I will start testing you all with a question per post. The questions will be all over the place in terms of content (read: whatever I want), but they will be worth points, which I will be keeping track of. Submission rules will be on the right side.

Here is your first question:
In almost every language on earth (especially the non-western languages) the word for female parent starts with a certain sound. What is that sound? (10 points, this one is easy).

Additamentum

2005-05-03T22:13:00.000-06:00

Robert Rodriguez has been given the green light to direct two sequels to Sin City. This is great, good and possibly poor news. The good news is that the original movie was kickass, so in theory, sequels are slices of fried gold. The possibly poor news is that of the six books that are standalone stories, the best three were in the first movie, and the remaining three are very similar, but still pretty good. It'll be great to look at, but it might get a little repetitive. Pursuant to the poor news, the great news: since the other stories don't quite meet up with the ones used in the first film, it would not be unreasonable to expect new stories from Mssr. Miller. Booyakasha!

After repeated listens I have decided that the version of "No Quarter" recorded by Tool is better than the original version recorded by the mighty Led Zeppelin. I'm sorry if you don't agree, but that song was recorded twenty-seven years too early. And too quietly.

In life, there is no greater feeling than experiencing the last thing you expect but the only thing you want at the perfect moment.

Ea qui longiquate desiderare

2005-05-03T15:47:00.000-06:00

Sunday night I spent some quality time with an old friend of mine, where we had great conversations, both serious and amusing, and cooked some fine, fine steaks. While it was great to sit down and eat a nice hearty meal in good company, I believe I would have made more of it had I known it may have been one of the final opportunities (but not THE final opportunity) for me to do so, at least for a long time. That is either my own fault for not doing so, or my memory revising the evening into something less than it actually was after the influence of my recent discoveries sunk in. But, the food was great, and I rarely get to spend time alone with this person despite spending many long nights and weekends with them all throughout a previous SU year. Good luck on the interview (if you get one, that is).

Yesterday was the first day of the Students’ Union’s 2005/2006 operational year. This is now my third ‘first day’ that I have bore witness to, and by far the most surreal. The first day in the office is an interesting paradox of youthful ambition. In the eyes of all the new employees, especially those who have recently escaped the dungeon of retail or service industry jobs, you can spot a boundless energy willing to jump at the opportunity to simply do anything relating to their newly acquired positions. The tasks that they will find menial and pointless in shy of three months appear like some kind of grand adventure upon which they are ready to immerse themselves into. However, since the SU Executive is never around for the first few days of term (due to their executive retreat), so none of the “Associate Vice Presidents” have anything to associate vice-preside over, and since they have no real authority, they can’t just head down to the Legislature/University Hall/Michael’s Craft Store and start kicking ass and taking names. So they sit and they read final reports of years past, which in hindsight, seven or eight months from now will appear as a cautionary tale, but when they first read may seem like needless pessimisim from a worn out predecessor. Other than that, they spend their time reading anything they can to acquaint themselves with the office desk and people they will be trapped with for at least a year. I’m overcome by the urge to tell them that they’ll be victim to some pretty nasty stuff over the year (everyone in those offices will be at one point or another and they will all want to quit at some point or another), but they wouldn’t believe me at this point anyway, so I let it go. The service directors lounge about and start to figure out exactly what their job is, while subordinates look woefully at them for something to do. But this year was just another day at the office for me, my work on Sunday was no different than my afternoon work Monday, and I did all the things I normally do, except provide minimal guidance to a new co-worker who does not appear to actually need any. I hope when I started this job I was as on top of things as he is.

Final note: Between Thursday and Sunday, I believe I have slept better than I ever have before. I have discovered this over the last two nights, which provided me with a basis to draw such a comparison.

Adamare nihil cum perfacetam aliquem

2005-04-25T20:15:00.000-06:00

On Saturday, I did something which I have not done in a long, long time. I took Saturday off. While this is relatively unremarkable, there have been many times that the 6th day has been an unproductive bender of laziness, but I have not actually said to myself "I'm not going to do anything on Saturday," that is just mearly the way that it has turned out.

This time I did. I trapped myself in my basement, a place with poor cell reception, an internet feed that cuts out, and an atmosphere conducive to sitting on your ass watching movies, reading and sleeping. Not only did I take work off, I didn't check my email, my grades, my phone messages (in fact, it was off for most of the day). I didn't talk to anyone except a few people in the services industry, my roomates, their significant others and of course, the lovely creature that I spent this "Saturday of Nothing" with (which is what made the day truly special).

I loved it. It was marvelous. Comic books, movies (especially ones with subtitles), pancakes, fresh fruit and chinese food, shopping trips, naps, the list goes on and on (and gets better). And yes, I'm aware that sounds like a pretty packed day, but none of it was planned. The whole concept of the day was to plan nothing, and allow the day to pull us in the direction it wished. At no point were we obligated to do anything at all. A little tired? Nap time. Hungry? Go out for food. Bored? Do something, anything you want. It was like being a baby, only I could read.

A year ago, had you told me that I was going to do this, I would have said "My god! That sounds like some kind of hedonistic hell! No work? No school?!? But what will you occupy and entire day with?" No longer will I listen to the limp-wristed Dandy of a year ago. He is a fool. I admit, I didn't know if I was going to be able to fill the whole day. But as it turned out, we didn't have enough time to do everything we wanted.

Beyond the pleasure of it all, it was refreshing to be the absolute master of one's own temporal destiny and organization, which is rare for my and my like.

But now, it's back to the schedules, meetings, classes and other demands on my person. While I loved taking a day away from it all, I have to admit, to step back into my office and sit down at my desk gave me a sense of agency once again.

"Saturday of Nothing" will return eventually, however....

Aestas Album Litterarium

2005-04-19T13:50:00.000-06:00

Summer is fast approaching, and with it, the implementation of my 'Stuff To Do' list. This is a catalog of deferred tasks, books, games and other items that I wanted to do during the school year, but told myself that I couldn't because I didn't have the time. A big part of that is my list of books to read, which is usually a large list, most of which will not be completed, in all honesty. However, this year I think I have a list of books that reflect my interests and station in life rather than recommendations from friends and family. I'm goinng to start with Cunt since I can borrow the book and it has the best title. The Frank Miller books will be day-reads and of all the books, the Bordo/Butler books are going to be the 'must-reads', since they will offer a good introduction to feminist and queer theory, which I have only a basic understanding of. Look how deliciously cosmopolitan I am.

1.) 300 by Frank Miller and Lynn Varley

2.) On The Genealogy of Morals/Ecce Homo by Friedrich Nietzsche

3.) Guns, Germs and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies by Jared Diamond

4.) Writing and Difference by Jacques Derrida
(I probably won't finish this book, Mssr. Derrida and I have a fractured past, but I am going to give myself one last kick at the poststructuralist/deconstructionist can, and if I still don't get it, then fine, I am defeated)

5.) Democracy Matters: Winning the Fight Against Imperialism by Cornel West

6.) Driving Mr. Albert: A Trip Across America with Einstein's Brain by Michael Paterniti

7.) Allan Quatermain by H. Rider Haggard

8.) Gender Trouble by Judith Butler

9.) Unbearable Weight: Feminism, Western Culture and the Body by Susan Bordo

10.) Cunt: A Declaration of Independence by Inga Muscio

11.) Sin City: Booze, Broads & Bullets by Frank Miller

12.) Sin City: Hell & Back by Frank Miller
(This one is 312 pages long! That's a gi-fucking-gantic comic book)

13.) The Incredible Hulk by Various Authors/Artists.
(Dan has been collecting this title for some time. It has always been my favorite comic, so I am going to to get what I can out of Dan's collection.)

14.) The Spartan Army by Nicholas Sekunda et al.

I will add/delete from this list over the summer.

Didici...

2005-04-17T23:52:00.000-06:00

I was reminded today how angry I was at people for taking photo's of the Venus Di Milo on my trip to Paris with my brother.

Nunc scio quid sit amor....

2005-04-17T22:15:00.000-06:00

Today has been a day of self-discovery. Pretty much all day, I have been plauged by a single, heartwrenching realization. Some of you near and dear to me may have seen this coming from a long way off, but I have finally admitted it to myself, after a massive period of denial.

Nearly two years ago, I bought "How the West Was Won", the live album from Led Zeppelin, a very obvious favorite band of mine (other than Steve Smith, who doesn't like Led Zeppelin? Fools, that's who). I put it in my car, cranked it up, I heard John Bonham click his high-hat four times and then the opening notes of "Immigrant Song" took the back of my fucking head off. My life was changed. I had offically heard the greatest thing that I had ever heard. Money? Riches? Women? I no longer cared for these things. All I wanted was 3 sweaty Englishmen and a pretty Welshman playing their sweet songs in my ear.

But, here is the part that I have come to regret: After hearing what music sounds like in the promised land of Live Led Zeppelin, their previously thunderous catalog has become a watered down version of their live work. With the advent of iTunes and the iPod, this problem becomes one of "Why would I listen to the recorded version of Over the hills and far away when I can listen to the live version. HOW?

This deeply saddens me. Since my mother bought me Led Zeppelin I when I was ten (WHAT A COOL MOM!), I have pledged fealty to the crunchy, load roar of what I have considered the greatest Rock 'n' Roll band ever to grace the face of the planet in all of their forms. After much soul searching, I don't know if I can do this anymore.

When people ask "Chris, I want to get some Led Zeppelin. What should I start out with?" I won't be able to say "Anything, it's all good. I can't choose," since I know that How The West Was Won is the greatest set of soundwaves ever committed to a commercial recording. I will have to say "It's all pretty good, but How The West Was Won is by far the best material of theirs you can get." I feel as if I have betrayed so many, but this is something that I cannot deny.

I'm sorry mother....I have failed you

Bonam fortunam, meus pulcheram feminam (id faces non eges)

2005-04-13T11:20:00.000-06:00

If you are like me, today you are balancing writing at least one paper and assorted assignments. This in itself wouldn't be all that horrible, but if you are like me you also have meetings that break up your day and your paper-writing momentem, causing frustration, agitation and personal blog postings. However, if you are like me, you are more than likely going to be able to hand something brilliant (however, this is where the similarities with me will end).

In summary: Write some brilliant papers like I know you all will, and go get 'em at your meetings.

In meum si credas, possum seccedo

2005-04-03T20:03:00.000-06:00

I am at a key moment, I believe. I am nearing the end of my first degree from the University of Alberta. I have three weeks of work left to do and then I can declare victory and move on to the next stage. I am also at an extremely high level of confidence in my job and I am ready to take advantage of all the responsibilities and opportunities it affords me to fully realize my position. My personal life, while still wishing to remain personal, looks headed for an all time high, if not already there. Reflecting on this today, I realized two things. First, and foremost, is the realization that the next three weeks will be the most challenging three weeks of my life personally, professionally and academically. While I may make this sound daunting, it is in fact not. Certainly, it is a challenge, but it isn’t a challenge like say, fighting terminal cancer. It is a challenge in that I will be compelled to hit high markers that I have hit before, but only in certain instances. Unfortunately, for me, my personal, academic and professional lives are interdependent. I should qualify that; that the various aspects of my life are contingent is something I have strived for. On one hand, success in all these aspects yields great rewards. However, a failure in one of these facets often means automatic failure in the others. So it is only unfortunate in the respect that it can be unfortunate. Thus, failure is not an option in any, not that it usually is anyway, but even less so in this case, at least from my point of view.

Secondly, I have never felt more confident in my abilities than I do at this moment. What I have recently learned is that while it is vitally important to believe in yourself and prove your capabilities to yourself, that belief will oscillate in relation to your actual results. However, you can accomplish illustrious things when you have others that believe in you regardless of your record of achievement, and will, in fact, be the ones to help you up when you fail. These people look at what you can do, not what you have done. It just takes one individual. Having people like that empower you more than any transcript, trophy or paycheck ever could. Thus, right now, I think I can do damn near anything.

Quod suae et cras incipio interum

2005-04-03T14:40:00.000-06:00

So this is my own personal blog, for all my fans. I want to compose something with a little bit more substance, but I don't have the time to say anything right now.